By the time you read this, it is possible the Golden State Warriors might've lost a game.
It's also possible you might look out the window and see pigs flying first-class on a Virgin Atlantic flight.
(Yes, some regular readers might recognize the above passage as virtually identical to the start of my Philadelphia 76ers column last week - hey, I've got only so many original words left in me, folks. And, what, lawyers can double-bill and Couch Slouch can't double-draft?)
Golden State's record-breaking 21-0 start might lead them to eclipse the Chicago Bulls' 1995-96 record-breaking 72-10 season. And what an enthralling, delightful bunch they are to eyeball: The Warriors make Cirque du Soleil look like a sock hop.
I can't stop watching the Warriors, and thanks to NBA League Pass, I don't.
(Let me interrupt myself - as I am wont to do - to first tell you people about NBA League Pass.)
Every NBA game not nationally broadcast is available on NBA League Pass. Which means, if you are so inclined, you can watch every single NBA regular-season contest nightly or - and, this, I realize, is even a less plausible scenario - you can DVR every single NBA game and watch them all in the offseason.
Me? I hand pick certain matchups, but, most of all, I target Warriors games.
So, effectively, for $199 - the cost of NBA League Pass - I am a Warriors season-ticket holder.
I don't want to sprain a shoulder ligament patting myself on the back, but this is brilliant on my part. I mean, I could never afford to move to the Bay Area and root for the Warriors because:
1. It's an arm and a leg for real estate in those parts.
2. It's your other arm and your other leg for NBA tickets.
(Column Intermission: Incidentally, I just ran the latest numbers - I have become a metrics aficionado ever since getting a FiveThirtyEight analytics startup kit for Groundhog Day last year - and it indicates the Warriors are headed for a 75-7 record while the 76ers are headed for a 7-75 record; curiously, advanced analytics also projects the 76ers will beat the Warriors in Philadelphia on Jan. 30.)
Anyway, here's my routine: Sit down after a hard day checking the Internet for Kardashian sightings, crack open a black-market Yuengling imported from Pennsylvania and find the Warriors game for 150 minutes of bliss.
I end up watching 25 to 35 Warriors games a season. I would take in all 82, save for the fact that my wife Toni believes I have a Stephen Curry fixation and my dog Sapphire likes to watch an occasional Clippers game.
Why wouldn't I be obsessed with Curry?
Some people can watch an aquarium filled with exotic fish or a fireplace crackle for hours on end; I can gaze at Steph Curry 24-7 - 25-7 if they extended each day by an hour.
What Sinatra did with a song, Curry does with a ball. He consumes the court with boundless energy and enthusiasm - dribbling and dazzling, twirling and twisting, spinning and soaring, and, remarkably, the best shooter in NBA history has averaged 6.8 assists a game in career.
No player in NBA history, after winning the MVP award, has improved statistically the next year as much as Curry. Think about that - how much can you improve the season after you are considered the league's most valuable player?
This is how much:
Last season, Curry averaged 23.8 points per game; this season he's averaging a career-high 32.6. In addition, Curry also has career highs this season in rebounds per game (4.9), steals (2.3), field goal percentage (52.7) and three-point field goal percentage (46.8). He's also making 93.2 percent of his free throws, above his career number of 90.3.
I don't want to overstate this at all, but what Curry is doing here would be pretty much like God following up the creation of the world with the creation of a disease-free, cable-ready parallel universe with a bowling alley on every corner.
Q. Is Kobe Bryant among the NBA's top 10 all-timers? (Jim Meacham; Seattle)
A. He might squeeze in at No. 10. More impressively, I now have him as No. 4 all-time among American poets, right behind Walt Whitman, Maya Angelou and Robert Frost and just ahead of Edgar Allan Poe.
Q. Matt Millen has apologized for his tenure as president and general manager of the Detroit Lions. How soon can we expect an apology for his tenure as an in-game football analyst? (J.B. Koch; Macomb, Mich.)
A. Frankly, a game would have to go to overtime for him to deliver that full mea culpa.
Q. Wouldn't strength and conditioning coach be the true calling for Barry Bonds? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)
A. I hope the Marlins have a lot of adjustable baseball caps.
Q. How is it that the Army-Navy game is always played on land? (Andrew Marino; Lincoln Park, N.J.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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