This is me.
I'm really at my desk. I'm really typing these key strokes. I'm not trying to pull the wool over your eyes. (Your nose is a different story altogether.)
Yet if you're planning on watching Thursday's basketball Capital Classic between WVU and Marshall on ESPNU, I have some news: The announcers, Roy Philpott and Miles Simon, won't be in Charleston's Civic Center.
They'll be in ESPN's studios making the call.
Some of you have probably heard of the practice. At least one WVU game last season was called remotely. Different networks, in fact, regularly televise soccer and use in-studio crews. For many of the Olympic sports, NBC has traditionally used stateside crews.
Yet to do so for regular-season college basketball games? To quote the Worldwide Leader, c'mon man.
Understand that we in the newspaper industry understand budget crunches all too well. But at ESPN, Jon Gruden is reportedly making $6 million a year. Chris Berman is making $5 million. Michael Wilbon, Brent Musburger, Tony Kornheiser and Scott Van Pelt are all making $4 million.
Are you telling me the network can't spring for a couple airline tickets to Charleston for some guys named Philpott and Simon?
It's all just so, well, deceiving. No, the network isn't claiming the games are being called by announcers at the venue. But having them on site is what one should expect - especially if you're a cable-paying sports fan or an advertiser. Calling games remotely can be done, yes. But it simply should not be done. That's like a radio announcer calling the game by watching it on TV. The technology is there for each, correct?
"We are doing around 90 basketball telecasts [remotely] this season, both men's and women's games," said ESPN's Rachel Margolis Siegal of the College Sports arm. "That is up from around 45 games last year."
Amazing, eh? Let's say you send two announcers to each of those 90 games. Let's say each flight is $500. The network, then, is saving a whopping $90,000 on flights.
Meanwhile, it's paying Kenny Mayne, Linda Cohn and Mike Tirico $3 million apiece.
I'll tell you and ESPN, it's not being received well. It's similar to when the NFL Network tried to do the same with preseason games.
Our Doug Smock first reported the news of Thursday's Capital Classic last week via Twitter. I relayed the info.
"Ridiculous," was one response. The "hallow sound [is] void of feel for momentum in the arena" was another. "Awful idea" was followed by "does feel/sound detached even when they had guy actually on the sideline."
Patriot George said, "You know the old saying. Do it right or don't do it at all." (My daughter, by the way, is really tired of hearing that old saying from her pops.)
I had to chuckle, however, at a response that said, "Announcers at the game? That's so 20th Century."
Apparently. Siegal said between 10-12 Big 12 games this season will be part of the "Remote Integration Schedule."
Yes, there is a "Remote Integration Schedule." And not only that, there's an ESPN vice president of remote operations. (I tried to get a hold of him, by the way, but he was unavailable. Probably vacationing on a remote island.)
Anyway, I asked Siegal if the practice really saves ESPN that much money.
"The Remote Integration setup allows ESPN to continue to innovate, and to reinvest in resources to make our overall productions bigger and better," she responded.
Uh, while Hannah Storm and Merril Hoge make $2.5 million apiece.
"There's nothing in the contract that prevents [the remote practice]," said the Big 12's Tim Allen. "They're trying to be cost-conscious.
"Now, we'd like them to be on site. It's better for the telecast. The announcers get one-on-one time with the coaches, etc. But the broadcasts seem seamless. The average fan can't tell."
That's the point though. The average fan shouldn't have to "tell." They shouldn't have to wonder. On-site announcers should be part of the deal. If you want to broadcast the event, broadcast the daggone event the right way.
"If you listen," Allen said, "they may say 'at this arena.' They never say they are there. They don't put up a green screen and announce in front of it.
"It doesn't give [the Big 12] tons of heartburn - as long as they don't say they're on site. But it's unique. It's something we're not used to. I just hope it's not the wave of the future."
With 90 telecasts set for remote production, we certainly see a whole lot of whitecaps.