DUBLIN, Ohio - In the years since this unexpected encounter with professional golf began, two things have kicked at my nerves.
One, the concept of a "good" leaderboard, one with the game's super-duper stars. If you don't have Rickie, Jordan, Rory, Jason, etc., the tournament is blah.
Blah on that. Even at this "mini-major," the Memorial Tournament, 120 took their swings. I'm sure you heard of Emiliano Grillo before this weekend, right? (He is a world top-50 player who formerly played in Europe.)
Two, there is the notion that the course has to feature 6-inch rough, sidewalk-width fairways and glass-top island greens on every hole.
Double digits under par? Isn't that reserved for the Web.com Tour?
The phobia has struck full-force here in central Ohio, on The Course That Jack Built. Saturday morning's Columbus Dispatch trumpeted the development with the headline: "Bring on the birdies."
Actually, the Dispatch's writer was having much fun with it, describing "friendly course conditions [that] have allowed the best players in the world to turn this holiday week get-together into a game of cornhole. With the boards set 16 inches apart."
The numbers tell few lies. The first two rounds featured, overall, the two lowest-scoring rounds in the tournament's 41-year history. Four players hit the 36-hole pole at 11 or 12 under. The cut was 2 under.
Friday at the par-72 Muirfield Village, the scoring average was 70.913, a second-round low. That came after Thursday's all-time low of 70.683.
When the weather sirens wailed at 5 p.m. Saturday, the remaining 75 players were an aggregate 128 under. For the tournament, 20 were minus 10 or better.
What is this, the 2010 Greenbrier Classic?
It's worse by one measure. As badly as the field of 156 abused Old White in '10, only two went double-digits under after 36 - Jeff Overton and Boo Weekley. Hasn't happened since.
So what has turned Muirfield Village into a parks and recs course, in the eyes of golf curmudgeons? And what might make Old White similarly vulnerable next month?
You must remember the first rule about the game at this level, the one thing that makes the shuttle rides worthwhile: These guys are really, really good.
Just ask Phil Mickelson, who can shred any course except Old White.
"When you have the best players in the world coming out, it is not disrespectful at all to shoot 20 under par," he said. "That doesn't mean anything. We're supposed to do that."
Yes, these guys are supposed to shoot birdies. When conditions are as benign as they have been this week, they're supposed to shoot a lot of them.
The late-spring weather in this area has brought softer, more receptive greens. With a steady rain Saturday morning, they got a little bit softer - and will be softer still Sunday.
Also, there has been little wind.
We've seen this in the six years of the Greenbrier Classic. Old White is flat by West Virginia standards and sits on a valley floor. The resort does a phenomenal job with drainage, but you can feel the softer ground days after a storm.
And there's the wind, or lack thereof. July is the least windy in our state, and is rarely a factor at the Classic. Mornings are so still, it's eerie - if the pros can't dial up a 3-under 67 or lower with a morning tee time, they're in trouble.
Whatever the conditions, you have to go back to the level of play. You have to see it yourself, as TV doesn't do it justice.
Take Webb Simpson's chip-in on the par-4 18th Friday. His approach shot was badly outdone by fellow competitor Geoff Ogilvy, whose second shot stopped 3 inches of the hole.
Simpson, a Greenbrier Classic fixture, had a rough shot. The greenside rough was thick and lush, and he faced a severe downhill slope to the hole with an exaggerated left-to-right break.
From my angle, I thought his shot was going to tap Ogilvy's ball. Instead, it curled inside Ogilvy's ball and into the hole.
It looked so much like a trick shot, I expected him to pull a Bubba Watson, turning toward the camera and deadpanning, "You're welcome."
For those who take in this summer's Greenbrier Classic, here is all I ask: Don't bellyache about the birdie bath.
As Mickelson said, "You don't have to trick [the course] up. There's going to be a winner. The lowest score is going to win."
However low that score shall be.
nnn
Gary Woodland played the first five classics, but did not come to Old White last year. I missed him.
It's great to see him on the leaderboard because he's one who can flat-out mash it. He once overshot Old White's 616-yard 17th in two shots.
At the par-5 11th hole here, playing at 551 yards, he pulled another feat of strength.
He covered 321 on the drive. It went to the right edge of the fairway, giving him a less-than-ideal 243-yard second shot with a tree in the way at about 150 yards.
No problem. He hit a long iron over that tree and stuck it 30 feet from the hole, giving him an easy birdie to bring him to 13 under.
Somebody drag him back. He's fun to watch.
nnn
And finally, multiple sources tell me that Monte Ortel is out as the Classic's executive tournament director. From my saved e-mails, he was last listed in that position in a May 11 press release.
Not sure of the circumstances, but Ortel struck me as a conscientious director. I know one thing for certain: The timing is not good at all.
Every so often, I find developments out of White Sulphur Springs to be disturbing. This is one.