Those with my job aren't known for crunching abs.
I get it. We get it.
What we do end up crunching, however, are numbers.
Heading into Saturday's Big 12 game between TCU and WVU, for instance, I can tell you the Mountaineers have been whistled for 21 fewer penalties than the Horned Frogs and are ranked No. 14 nationally in the category.
Fine. I can almost hear you yawning.
But I do have sexier stats, like this: West Virginia is boasting the nation's No. 7 total offense (534.2 yards per game) and TCU has the nation's No. 9 total offense (530.7).
Does that wake you up? It should if you plan on attending or watching. In theory, the game should provide many fireworks.
But if you want more telling stats, dive a little deeper with me.
As written, TCU's offense has been kickin' it. The Horned Frogs' passing offense is No. 6 nationally, averaging 362.5 yards. Quarterback Kenny Hill is No. 4 in passing yards per game (357) and No. 5 in total offense (391).
Yet when it comes to passing efficiency, Hill is only No. 48.
Meanwhile, West Virginia's pass defense is ranked No. 90 nationally, allowing an average of 250.8 yards through the air. Yet in pass efficiency defense, it is now No. 15.
If WVU wins on Saturday, it will be another amen to what Mountaineer defensive coordinator Tony Gibson has been preaching.
And the numbers heading into the TCU game make his eyes light up.
"Yeah because efficiency works off of attempts and completions, obviously, but also touchdown passes," Gibson said.
Interceptions and yards are also incorporated in the figures.
"We've been doing a really good job in those things," Gibson said. "That's why our numbers are good."
It dovetails a bit into what we covered last week in this space.
"If you go off yards in this [Big 12] league you're going to scramble your brain a little bit," Gibson said. "You'd be miserable coaching defense in this league. You can't go off total numbers.
"We've broken this thing down to a fine point. We have four or five things we really, really look at during the week."
Such as?
"We look at total yards per play, comparing what we've done and what they've done," Gibson said. "Field position is huge. Turnovers are huge. And then we look at red-zone offense and red-zone defense. Inside the 40, what's happening? How many points per play are they getting?
"That's kind of where we're at as far as goals. I think we dropped in pass defense last week and we held the No. 1 [passing team] in the country to 17 points, [345] yards passing and 34 yards rushing."
If you're wondering, by the way, WVU has been better than TCU in per-play defense (5.16 yards to 5.58), turnover margin (even to minus-1) and red-zone defense (.789-.889). TCU has been better in per-play offense (6.82-6.81) and red-zone offense (.853-.846).
nnn
It's fun, by the way, to sit and pick Gibson's brain. It's very obvious he loves the game he coaches.
So after talking numbers I went back to his comment about brain-scrambling Big 12 offenses.
Isn't it bizarre, I asked, that there's so little variation of offenses within leagues - especially within the Big 12.
My deep question: Why?
"I don't know," he smiled, shaking his head. "I guess they hire everybody from the same coaching trees. You go back to [Texas Tech's] Mike Leach, who was kind of the ["Air Raid" offense] guy. You have Dana [Holgorsen]. You have [Texas Tech head coach] Kliff [Kingsbury]. There was [former Baylor coach] Art Briles. Those guys were all together at times.
"Then you have [Oklahoma offensive coordinator] Lincoln Riley and [TCU offensive coordinator Doug] Meacham. They all were from the same deal."
Versed on scrambling brains.
Contact Mitch Vingle at 304-348-4827 or mitchvingle@wvgazettemail.com. Follow him on Twitter @MitchVingle.