NORFOLK, Va. - No, Marshall football fans, you have not died and gone to 2007.
If you're reading this media outlet, you're alive but definitely in a time warp. If you're reading this on a smartphone, beware - it may turn into an itty bitty flip phone at any moment. Watch those anytime minutes!
Long before the Thundering Herd's 38-14 stinker of a loss Saturday to Old Dominion, the comparisons to the 3-9 campaign of 2007 were forming on social media. They aren't kind.
In fact, nobody on my Twitter feed has come to the defense of today's 2-7 Herd. The consensus has the 2007 Herd beating the 2016 version handily.
So how do the Herd's most futile teams of the century stack up? Let's figuratively bring in the tanned, rested and sometimes ready Mark Snyder and take a look.
n Unit comparisons: Offensively, there is no contest. Ryan Yurachek might compare with Cody Slate at tight end, but Chase Litton is not close to Bernard Morris and no current Herd back is in the same area code with Darius Marshall. I've always considered Morris to be the Herd QB who deserved much better.
Defensively, there were two future NFLers on the 2007 squad, but Mario Harvey was young. Free safety C.J. Spillman led team in tackles by a lot - 131 to 90 for the nearest tackler.
I'm still not ready to concede that defense was better than the current one, though. You went into 2007 game with the feeling that unit was going to get shredded every which way. Today's defense is woeful against the run, but has tightened up in the red zone at times.
Anthony Binswanger couldn't hit a field goal from beyond 40 yards, but he did make the rest. Punting-wise, Kaare Vedvik was ahead of Binswanger from the first snap in September.
n Schedule: The 2007 team had a tougher go of it, facing Miami, a West Virginia team comparable to today's Louisville, and Cincinnati. Houston and Tulsa were two of the cross-division opponents, and league champ Central Florida had a great running back in Kevin Smith.
n Horrendous results: This season's 65-38 loss to Akron keeps looking worse. The Zips are 5-5, losing 41-0 to Western Michigan, 41-20 to Buffalo and 48-17 to Toledo.
But the 48-35 loss to New Hampshire in 2007 was more frightening. The Wildcats took a 24-0 halftime lead and never faced the threat of a go-ahead score.
n Injuries, departures: Stud linebacker Albert McClellan tore a knee ligament in a non-contact drill and stud center Doug Legursky fought a knee injury all season, putting the 2007 team in trouble early. Ahmad Bradshaw split for the NFL after 2006, preventing the Herd from being loaded at running back.
This year's team suffered its most notable injury luck on the right side of the offensive line, where Michael Selby and Clint Van Horn were to be a formidable duo. We may never know how good linebacker Shawn Petty would be, because he was hurt for all of camp and several weeks beyond.
Recent defections/dismissals, including defensive tackle Tomell One, have not helped.
n Other bad luck: In the 2007 team's loss to Memphis, a bad snap helped foil a machine-like late drive by Morris. Also in that game, MU faced Memphis' No. 2 QB, who was better than the No. 1 by far. (Will Hudgens was later drafted as a pitcher by the Cincinnati Reds.)
Today's Herd has faced three Conference USA teams that are markedly better than they were a year ago - North Texas, Charlotte and Old Dominion. You may have noticed Charlotte won Saturday at Southern Mississippi.
Only one league foe, Florida Atlantic, has gone in the tank. (The Herd's only league win, of course.)
n Grim defensive stats: Today's Herd has given up eight 100-yard rushing games, including the 209-yard romp by ODU's Ray Lawry. But that team does have 14 takeaways, double the number by the 2007 team.
Also, the 2007 Herd gave up a 48 percent conversion rate on third down. Today's Herd is sixth in the league at 40.6 percent.
n Grim offensive stat: Today's team is converting third downs at 30 percent, 4 of 25 in the last two games.
n "Bonus" stat: Today's Herd still leads America in penalty yards, 82.3 per game. Saturday's game featured two unsportsmanlike conduct fouls.
n Highlights: The 2007 team finished strong, winning three of its last five. That included the inexplicable 26-7 domination of East Carolina and future NFL superstar back Chris Johnson.
The grade on the current Herd is incomplete, with games against Middle Tennessee, Florida International and Western Kentucky still ahead. But with a team speed that is a step slow and passion that is lacking, it's tough to imagine a good result.
Gosh, it would be sad if a defensive stand against FAU stands up as the season's highlight.
n Mythical game: Darius Marshall would rush for 209-plus yards and Morris would throw for 250. The current team's offense would hold onto the ball, but would fail to exploit the 2007 team's defensive shortcomings.
Mythical score: 2007 Herd 38, 2016 Herd 13.
nnn
Following is free advice for "Group of 5" conference commissioners in their next TV negotiations.
As you're trying to squeeze pennies out of these networks, you should press even harder to ensure live broadcast crews at all games.
American Sports Network is the latest offender, not sending a crew to the Marshall-ODU game. Instead, ASN "called" the game from a studio in Missouri.
It's not the first time, but it's just as bush league. It's a major disrespect of the teams, the conference involved and the viewers.
Conference USA commissioner Judy McLeod's hands might have been tied on rights fees in the recent talks, but I think she could have negotiated the league out of such embarrassments.
If that occurred to her, which I figure it didn't.