"Mitch, this is Mike Montoro, football sports information director at WVU."
"Hey Mike, thanks for getting back to me."
"No problem. You wanted to talk to Dana's hair?"
"Yes."
"OK, I have it on the line. You can interview it now. Go ahead."
"Thanks. Wow, Dana Holgorsen's hair! It's nice to finally talk to you. You've been getting a lot of attention, especially lately."
"Yeah, I know. It's kinda messed up."
"Well, uh, no disrespect, but you're kinda mussed up. Thus, the attention."
"Hey! What the heck? Do you want this interview to continue, smart guy? And don't think I haven't seen you before. When did you last have bangs, the Nixon era?"
"Something like that."
"So what do you want to talk about Chrome Dome?"
"Well, this fame. It's kind of DIFFERENT, wouldn't you say?"
"I suppose."
"I mean, unless you're Billy Ray Cyrus or Mike Gundy."
"I'M NOT A MULLET!"
"OK, OK! I'm not saying you are. It's just that you get a heck of a lot of attention for being hair."
"What, you have something against hair, Mr. Take-a-Number-Two-Blade-and-Cut-All-Over?"
"[Sigh.] No. I'm not anti-hair. I used to know hair. I used to LOVE hair. Can we just start over?"
"Please."
"OK, first, you know you have a faux Twitter account, right?"
"Well ..."
"What?"
"OK, I'm going to trust you here. But just keep this between us ... see, it's not faux. It really is me. Dana can just be so SENSITIVE."
"I know. But I think he means well."
"He does. But he likes me flying under the radar."
"You certainly fly my friend."
"Thank you. It's my best thing."
"So you go with the 'faux' thing? What, to avoid hairy situations with Dana?"
"Lord, now with the hair references ... Montoro!"
"Sorry, sorry. Slipped out."
"So what else Buzz Cut?"
"Well, the latest is the Matthew McConaughey thing."
"What, the 'All Right, All Right, All Right' guy?"
"Yeah, him."
"What about him?"
"Well, he gained a bunch of weight for a movie."
"What does that have to do with me?"
"He then had his hair styled in your likeness. Specifically to your likeness."
"Really? Wow! That's awesome!"
"Uh, OK."
"What?"
"Some think it's more cartoonish."
"Did McConaughey say that? That Marshall lover!"
"No, no, no. He just said the hairstyle was, well, patterned after you."
"Funny."
"It was nice, though, that Dana responded on Twitter that he was happy to help. Told McConaughey he nailed the look. Dana proved to be a good sport."
"That's my guy."
"Look, Dana's hair, I just figured I'd try and interview you because you're somewhat of a celebrity now. And folks love reading about celebrities."
"Now you're talking."
"What's your secret? It can't be gel or mousse, right?"
"Please. This, my friend, is au naturale."
"Do you, in fact, have a life of your own?"
"A very good one, thank you very much. And between the two of us, who do you think has the better life?"
"Good point. Like I said, I just thought folks would like hearing from you. You're an internet sensation and all."
"As I should be."
"Kind of cocky there."
"Well, there were those 10 wins and all ..."
"There was also that bowl game."
"Yeah, THAT was a hair-raising experience."
"You said that, not me."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, Montoro is tugging at me. One last question and then I've got to fly."
"OK, so we've established you have a life of your own. We've established you're au naturale. My final question: How would you describe yourself?"
"I'm just like West Virginia, baby. I'm wild. And I'm absolutely wonderful."
Contact Mitch Vingle at 304-348-4827 or mitchvingle@wvgazettemail.com. Follow him on Twitter @MitchVingle.